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Anything Could Happen
Monday, 22 April 2013 || 00:38
Stripped to the waist
We fall into the river
Cover your eyes,
So you don't know the secret
I've been trying to hide
After the war we said we'd fight together
I guess we thought that's just what humans do
Letting the darkness grow
As if we need its palette & we need its colour
But now i've seen it through
& now i know the truth
That anything could happen
Baby, i'll give you everything you need
But i don't think i need you.
So a very special friend of mine has inspired me to open up something about myself after she told her story about her anorexia war. After all it's good for your soul, no?
It may be naive to think someone, esp a stranger, cares, but i guarantee you, my life's been one heck of a ride heh. This post is for me, rather than anyone else, so go ahead & scroll on if you'd like, but imma say, learning about someone's else's journey ain't never a waste of time - cus you learn about yourself too.
Let's start with Houston, Texas - in Grade 2, a boy named Alex asked me to be his gf while getting our forks after the cafeteria lineup. I was 8, ha, gimme a break, i didn't know what it meant, only that being a gf meant you would be loved by someone, & i said "yeshh"
Now we only hung out during recess at the playground! he was quiet, boring, & i wasn't down to be bored. But i stuck with the guy. He moved away after the year.
Grade 3, my best friend in the entire world, mixed American/Espanic boy named Pablo. After an insanely hot summer recess, i walked into the classroom, just in time to hear someone ask him if i was his girlfriend. He said yes but justifying i was a girl, & was indeed his best friend. Still, for the first time, i felt Love. Was beautiful, he was beautiful, my first love. & as all things came to an end, he moved out of the country & our friendship was never stronger. Too young to understand how to keep in touch, i wonder where the hell he is, 10 years it's been.
Grade 4, guess who moved back, Alex. He was in the class beside our room. My stomach, in a knot as i said hi to him during recess, only to be responded with a puzzled "hey.. um do i know you" - my first heartbreak. The day after, i think he semi-rmb who i was, & sees him trying to approach me at the corner of my eye, but i dodged him the rest of my time there.
Later in Grade 4, found myself starting afresh in Singapore. My first English spelling test - i failed horribly... i studied & i knew all the words.. but i couldn't understand the English teacher's Singaporean accent. While peer marking, the boy who had mine (Aaron) had to constantly go up front & ask what the letters i wrote was - cus he couldn't read cursive, sth Houston trained me to master by grade 3. Then there was Chinese class, teacher asked me to write my name on the board in chinese.. i had no idea how, she forced me to "try", i wrote it wrong.. it was. humiliating. So the bullying began, the fact that i couldn't spell.. in BOTH Chinese & English, they thought i was a dumb chick with a snobby accent. Most people kept their distance except Aaron, cus he's cool like that. ONE PROBLEM.. kinda the school hunk, some thought he liked me, & the girls who liked him (yup basically the entire school) bullied me, gave me stares. Damn my life was Regina George (the girls of my school, esp the Ms Populars) vs. a potato (me). Grade 4 was hell.. Grade 5 - 6 tho, i found myself climbing up the social ladder lightning speed, from adopting the Singaporean accent, pulling up my grades to better than most, & YES with money. School soon found out how much $$ my fam had.. from what i learned then... money def gains you """"friends"""". Even had a bf in Grade 6 - one of the best a man can be.
The pressure was on tho.. had undiagnosed anorexia Grade 5 - 6, only had dinner every day, & a few bites. I dragged myself out of it eventually, realized how my energy was wasting away, & my life force. A few blackouts served as wake up calls
A summary of Grade 7, let's just say i went under bad influence & g almost got kicked out of the school for my grades. After having a bad breakup, & being played/lead on by a guy 6 years older than me (wasn't in my head, he fully kissed me & just left me hanging), i went through a..phase.. guess you can say i had somewhat 'connections' with almost the entire senior boys on my Track & Field team. Grade 8 was a wake up call, & all thanks to the first real relationship i had. Despite some flaws in the relationship, like any other amateur ones, he made me see my true worth & really did the best job in loving me. It's shameful to admit how sucky i was.. he really deserved better.. He changed my life, guess you can say he saved me, as cliche as it sounds.. Through Grade 8 - 9 was my prime, captain of the Track team as appointed by my Coach (which i hear he did the first time in history), Athlete of the Year, was finally forgiven & gained respect by all the boy's I played/lead-on, amazing friends that motivated/supported me, liked by my teachers, popularity status was pretty much at the top, great relationship with my principle. All except one thing, Track & all the social status really took a toll on my studies & i would've flunked to get in University if i hadn't moved.
So here i am, in TO Canada.. feeling confused bout who i am supposed to be. I'd be lying if i said i didn't feel like a wallflower, all my life i mean, not necessarily a bad thing. One more exam til i finish first year University. In a long-term relationship going 3 years. Running, cus it's my life. & i think i can safely say, I'm truly one of a kind & there ain't no one like me. That's Betty Xu for ya.
THAT IS NOT A HOUSE CAT..
I think Walmart got some new candles
If you don't get this, we're not in the same generation..This is beautiful
